Hello, It’s me.

pic Elise kissing Mermaid in MexicoToday is the first day of the rest of my life, otherwise known as the day I post my first blog entry.
Welcome to my crazy life!

I’m married to my high school sweetheart, we’ve been together for 23 years and married for 16. We have three angelic children, OG (the Original 😉 she’s 11, Deuce, he’s 10, and Baby Girl, she’s 4. They’re in 5th, 4th, and pre-K respectively. Each of my children has some form of Autism and I will talk about them and their antics and behaviors ad nauseum. I am straight forward and honest and not PC when it comes to Autism. I love my children and they are all super special, but they are not retiring snowflakes, they will not melt away in the fire. I talk a lot about teaching them life skills.
We are Midwesterners recently transplanted to Sunny Florida. I love living here between November and May, but June to October is hotter than Satan’s taint and no human being should be subjected to that shit. And tourists, holy shit, the tourists! They can’t drive, they can’t park, they can’t do anything in a timely manner. Basically they have their heads up their asses, although, so do Floridians so it’s sometimes tough to tell who is who.

Here’s a real quick overview of Elise. I’m a “curvy” 38 year old stay at home mom. My hobbies include going to paint nights a local bars, listening to “oldies” at high volume, watching every funny movie ever (over and over again), playing cards with my friends, shopping at and then returning things to target, eating, forgetting, having manic and depressive episodes, crazy anxiety, and chronic insomnia! It’s a party up in here *makes the cuckoo twirling motion at head*! I’m trying to replace all that last stuff with a healthy lifestyle and exercise, but I have discovered that am not a fan of healthy lifestyle choices; I like my food fried and my alcohol wet. And whenever I exercise another body part breaks. Not breaks off, just becomes incredibly painful and I have to do physical therapy to fix it broken. It’s seriously annoying. I refuse to give up Target; retail therapy IS therapy and technically if I spend 2 hours walking around Target it IS exercise, just ask my pedometer.

My early years were… interesting, I suppose. I grew up mostly in Wisconsin, my Mother was very sick for most of my life and died when I was 13, my twelfth year was disastrous and my teen years followed suit. I met Hubby when I was 14 and things got a lot less crazy, yet I was still certifiable so that says a lot about my 2 pre-Hubby years. Things smoothed out, we were married on a snowy Day in January of 2000 and started trying for a baby right away, I was 21. OG wasn’t born until 2004 so there were more diagnoses, and then a miracle during those 4 years. While all that was going on, we started doing foster care. We took in boys ages 13-21+ and I met my first sons, The Boys. We took in a lot of teens but there are a special few who I fell in love with and are close to my heart today. I still have contact with a few of them and I miss the others and often wonder where they are and how they’re doing.  Two more bio kids later, even more drama, and a move to Florida later, here we are, and here I am, putting it all out there, yikes!

My writing style is, well, confusing probably! I’ve never written anything more than really, really long Facebook posts and angry letters to companies who sell shit products that fuck up my hair, but I’ve always wanted to write a blog; so here I am livin the dream. I write like I talk and to talk is to use run on sentences, really bad grammar, swear like a mutha, and sarcasm; sarcasm is a way of life. Basically you should just default to assuming I’m being sarcastic in any and all situations. During moments of seriousness I’ve had friends ask me if I was actually being sarcastic; my sarcasm is transcendent. Puns are gifts born of a smart mouth and I love them! I swear a lot, in new and inventive ways. Swear words are the spice that gives sentences flavor, expect muy picante (and now you know all the Spanish that I know). I cannot type, so one of my favorite things to do is misspell words or skip them all together, but you’ll get my drift.  The semicolon and parentheses are my favorite punctuation marks and I use them liberally in my writing, the asterisk plays a starring role as well 😉 that right there is my favorite semicolon/parentheses combo ever. I try and keep it short and sweet KISS.

You’ll be happy to know I put on pants to write this; just kidding I put on pants to get my kids off the bus and was too lazy to take them off. We are not The Naked Family though (you know who you are) my kids and Hubby are always clothed, but I hate laundry and if I can not wear pants for the day, that’s one less pair of pants to wash. I hate housework, laundry (I make a fantastic stay at home Mom), and stupid. Stupid people and the stupid ass shit they’re selling and the stupid ass shit they’re saying. Basically if they can’t back it up with a peer reviewed source, they should shut the fuck up. It’s going to be an exciting 2016 for stupid people and those who write about them.
I love my family, my few precious friends, and lazy days in the sun and so much more. I love to take pictures of everything I love and then some.

That’s me in a nutshell, I hope to see you around again and please like and comment on everything!

Elise

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