Friendship in a Mean Mommy World

Friendship is a tricky thing, and I am still learning the ins and outs of how to navigate the world of female friendships. In my life many of my friends are moms, but some are not, and each and every one of them is different and special. Overall, no matter the person, there is one overriding lesson: always be nice, no matter what happens.

I never experienced Mean Girls behavior until I ran a Mommy & Me group and even then my introduction was slow in coming, maybe because I ran the group, but when it arrived I was blindsided. There was infighting, there were several competing cliques, there was hate and backstabbing. Moms were getting invited to playdates only to arrive at an empty park, go home, and see pictures on Facebook of the group of 6 moms that invited them at a different park, with an excuse about a last minute park change. A clique was angling to take over the group, manipulating other moms and back stabbing me. Women were calling me in tears at least once a week. It was so bad that one day I just gave up and closed the whole group down. I was sick of it all.

One of the women who stuck with me after I closed the group was a person I eventually became very close to (on our way to best friends, or so I thought). For two years “Sarah” (name changed) and I did everything together, even shopping. We worked out together too. It worked out really nicely. Every once in a while we would invite another woman to work out with us, and she and Sarah really hit it off. It became clear to me that they were now better friends than I and Sarah, and our friendship was on the decline as some friendships do. Sarah decided at some point that not only was I, not her best friend, that she didn’t like me at all, that I was no longer good enough, and she was choosing a skinny, less authentic, replacement of me. Where I would always ask questions that were a bit challenging to some of Sarah’s behaviors and practices, this woman was a yes woman. Everything Sarah said, this new woman immediately agreed with, everything Sarah did was affirmed, no matter how sketchy. Unbeknownst to me, Sarah was badmouthing me, making fun of me for being fat, calling me lazy and negative to our mutual friends during this same time, thankfully, they saw through her bullshit and that she was an asshole before I did and told me that this was going on. I had no idea because Sarah was still being friendly to my face and inviting me to do things with her and her new friend. I don’t understand this mentality. If I don’t like someone, I’m just done hanging out with them, I don’t pretend to still be their friend and continue on with our chats and things. When she started badmouthing me, it was confusing for me. I still don’t know why she didn’t just ditch me in silence. In the end, I think she saw her new friend, not as an addition to our friend circle, but a step up and saw me as competition (I AM pretty fantastic!) so putting me down was their weird way of bonding and deluding themselves into thinking they were better than me without actually having to work at being better people. Why couldn’t we remain friends, keep hanging out and working out while this other woman was Sarah’s special friend? I don’t know, and I don’t care anymore. We’re not friends, so be it.

Where it becomes interesting is; our worlds overlap frequently, and I see Sarah twice a week or so. Sometimes with her new friend, sometimes alone. She used to move to the machine next to the machine I was working out on at the gym all the time, maybe to show me up? I don’t know how, I’ve worked out for an hour and a half before just to beat some rando next to me, she wasn’t going to beat me. And after a few weeks of this, she gave up on it. At first, I didn’t know how to act when I met her face-to-face, but making eye contact and then avoiding her seemed childish, so I decided to meet the challenge head on. Now I always make a point to talk to her. There’s no point in being rude to her, so I never am, condescending; yes, (after all she talked a bunch of shit about me to people I care about, trying to convince them I had a bad attitude and they should ditch me too), but rude; no. I make a point to be bubbly and super friendly, I always ask how her kids (who are awesome) and husband (who she hates, and has to tell me how great he is) are every time I see her. I mouth “call me” and make the hand phone gesture whenever we part ways. And now I’m always entertained at how desperately she wants to get away from me. An unexpected benefit after just one of our super fun convos is she no longer seeks me out to try to make me uncomfortable anymore, in fact, she now gives me a wide birth. If she happens to be in the sauna with her new bestii when I am entering they immediately run out without even a hello. It makes my day brighter every time.

So: in summary, be nice to everyone, even shit talking ex-friends. You never know when it’s going pay off.

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This blogger couldn’t hack it the way she wanted it and wants us to know; we all suck too

Now ex-Mommy Blogger Josi Denise posted a scathing blog last week about how she’s flaming out of blogging because it made her fake and all other Mommy Blogger’s are fake too, every single thing about every single one of us.

She used these words to cut other Mommy Bloggers down while she crashed and burned:

“YOUR MOMMY BLOG FUCKING SUCKS.”

“NOBODY IS READING YOUR SHIT”

“THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL YOU ARE ACTUALLY THAT HAPPY”

“YOUR GOALS ARE JUST AS CONFUSED AS YOU”

“YOU ARE WASTING YOUR MONEY”

“PR FRIENDLY = “I HAVE NO SOUL””

“BUILDING YOUR OWN PRISON WITH COPYCAT GUARDS”

“YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME”

And wrapped the whole thing up with:

“Sincerely,
A former typical ‘mommy blogger’ whose blog sucked just as bad as yours”

As a struggling Mommy Blogger this hurts me to hear and makes me extra angry. In one breath she brags that she had 10’s of thousands of followers but we are pathetic for going to conferences and business events to pick up those numbers too. No, I don’t think so.
She talks about a post that went viral and has been read 312,000 times, about how she was struggling with marital issues and not getting child support. She says she would have given anything for one of her promotional posts to take off like that. But next she cuts down Mommy Bloggers for doing PR posts and says the Mommy Bloggers have no souls because they do them. And then later she again says that she once was making thousands of dollars doing those exact same posts. Sorry Josi, you can’t brag about what a “success” you were and then criticize others about the success they’re trying to achieve. What you are is a hypocrite.

She says that all Mommy Blogs suck, that no one is reading any posts, we’re selling our souls, wasting our time, and that we should all just quit.

This woman is jealous that she no longer is seeing success, a hypocrite for castigating woman for having the success she strives for, and a bitch for trying shame and pull us down with her as her blog bombs.

I’ll wrap it up with:
Fuck you Jodi Denise, your blog sucks worse than mine

Sincerely,
Elise, aspiring Mommy Blogger

Hello, It’s me.

pic Elise kissing Mermaid in MexicoToday is the first day of the rest of my life, otherwise known as the day I post my first blog entry.
Welcome to my crazy life!

I’m married to my high school sweetheart, we’ve been together for 23 years and married for 16. We have three angelic children, OG (the Original 😉 she’s 11, Deuce, he’s 10, and Baby Girl, she’s 4. They’re in 5th, 4th, and pre-K respectively. Each of my children has some form of Autism and I will talk about them and their antics and behaviors ad nauseum. I am straight forward and honest and not PC when it comes to Autism. I love my children and they are all super special, but they are not retiring snowflakes, they will not melt away in the fire. I talk a lot about teaching them life skills.
We are Midwesterners recently transplanted to Sunny Florida. I love living here between November and May, but June to October is hotter than Satan’s taint and no human being should be subjected to that shit. And tourists, holy shit, the tourists! They can’t drive, they can’t park, they can’t do anything in a timely manner. Basically they have their heads up their asses, although, so do Floridians so it’s sometimes tough to tell who is who.

Here’s a real quick overview of Elise. I’m a “curvy” 38 year old stay at home mom. My hobbies include going to paint nights a local bars, listening to “oldies” at high volume, watching every funny movie ever (over and over again), playing cards with my friends, shopping at and then returning things to target, eating, forgetting, having manic and depressive episodes, crazy anxiety, and chronic insomnia! It’s a party up in here *makes the cuckoo twirling motion at head*! I’m trying to replace all that last stuff with a healthy lifestyle and exercise, but I have discovered that am not a fan of healthy lifestyle choices; I like my food fried and my alcohol wet. And whenever I exercise another body part breaks. Not breaks off, just becomes incredibly painful and I have to do physical therapy to fix it broken. It’s seriously annoying. I refuse to give up Target; retail therapy IS therapy and technically if I spend 2 hours walking around Target it IS exercise, just ask my pedometer.

My early years were… interesting, I suppose. I grew up mostly in Wisconsin, my Mother was very sick for most of my life and died when I was 13, my twelfth year was disastrous and my teen years followed suit. I met Hubby when I was 14 and things got a lot less crazy, yet I was still certifiable so that says a lot about my 2 pre-Hubby years. Things smoothed out, we were married on a snowy Day in January of 2000 and started trying for a baby right away, I was 21. OG wasn’t born until 2004 so there were more diagnoses, and then a miracle during those 4 years. While all that was going on, we started doing foster care. We took in boys ages 13-21+ and I met my first sons, The Boys. We took in a lot of teens but there are a special few who I fell in love with and are close to my heart today. I still have contact with a few of them and I miss the others and often wonder where they are and how they’re doing.  Two more bio kids later, even more drama, and a move to Florida later, here we are, and here I am, putting it all out there, yikes!

My writing style is, well, confusing probably! I’ve never written anything more than really, really long Facebook posts and angry letters to companies who sell shit products that fuck up my hair, but I’ve always wanted to write a blog; so here I am livin the dream. I write like I talk and to talk is to use run on sentences, really bad grammar, swear like a mutha, and sarcasm; sarcasm is a way of life. Basically you should just default to assuming I’m being sarcastic in any and all situations. During moments of seriousness I’ve had friends ask me if I was actually being sarcastic; my sarcasm is transcendent. Puns are gifts born of a smart mouth and I love them! I swear a lot, in new and inventive ways. Swear words are the spice that gives sentences flavor, expect muy picante (and now you know all the Spanish that I know). I cannot type, so one of my favorite things to do is misspell words or skip them all together, but you’ll get my drift.  The semicolon and parentheses are my favorite punctuation marks and I use them liberally in my writing, the asterisk plays a starring role as well 😉 that right there is my favorite semicolon/parentheses combo ever. I try and keep it short and sweet KISS.

You’ll be happy to know I put on pants to write this; just kidding I put on pants to get my kids off the bus and was too lazy to take them off. We are not The Naked Family though (you know who you are) my kids and Hubby are always clothed, but I hate laundry and if I can not wear pants for the day, that’s one less pair of pants to wash. I hate housework, laundry (I make a fantastic stay at home Mom), and stupid. Stupid people and the stupid ass shit they’re selling and the stupid ass shit they’re saying. Basically if they can’t back it up with a peer reviewed source, they should shut the fuck up. It’s going to be an exciting 2016 for stupid people and those who write about them.
I love my family, my few precious friends, and lazy days in the sun and so much more. I love to take pictures of everything I love and then some.

That’s me in a nutshell, I hope to see you around again and please like and comment on everything!

Elise